If good is good, is better not better?
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Mystical Meaning of the Month of Shevat

In this video I look at how Shevat teaches us to widen the circles of sanctity and draw down holiness into our everyday lives. We then explore the how this applies to rectifying our relationship with food.

Visit Jewish.TV for more Jewish videos.

Kabbalah Day at the Manhattan JCC

The Annual Day of Kabbalah is coming up in January at the JCC in Manhattan.  This years theme is

For the Sake of the Unification of the Holy One, Blessed Be He, and the Shekhina

It's a fantastic event, combining academic excellence and spiritual vitality.  I loved it the last time I participated, found myself engaged in compelling discussions throughout the day, and made some great friends.

This year, I'll be speaking twice.

1. Extrinsic Motivation - A Means to Internal Success, Meaning and Eternal Joy

Our common perception is that internal motivation is the most potent driving force for success.  In this lecture we'll look at how focusing on the union of The Holy Blessed One and His Shechina has the power to transform our lives and the world at large.  Along the way we'll discover where intrinsic and extrinsic motivation merge and that counter-intuitively, making "Unification" our primary aim brings us the inner life we most deeply desire.  Understanding Leshem Yichud allows for a motivation breakthrough that transforms the way we live our lives.

   2. Clean - The Power of One to Break Addiction

Addiction is love and fear in their purest state dressed up in something else.  By focusing on Leshem Yichud as a meditation, we can undress ourselves of our addictions and re-access the inner core of holy and healthy love and respect.

I'm one of SIX speakers.  You'll also get to hear David Solomon, Naftali Citron, Avraham Sutton, Nathaniel Berman and Bezalel Naor.

Register HERE now

Thanks Mark Pearlman of Sinai Live, Naftali Citron of The Carlebach Shul, Susie Kessler of the JCC and The Jewish Week for putting this together.  It's a privilege and pleasure to work with you.

I hope you can join us.

The Kabbalah of Nutrition FREE Teleseminar - and Kabbalah Cleanse Retreat

This past November some friends and I participated in a Kabbalah Cleanse Retreat.  It was fabulous. I know that many of you you had wanted to join us but were unable to.  So tonight, I'm offering a free teleconference during which I'll be going over some highlights of what I spoke about during the retreat. We'll cover insights on the Kabbalah of Nutrition and Emotional Eating.  I'll also take questions from you on food, cleansing, addiction and healing.  And I'll share a delicious recipe from our chefs Esther Voluck and Rachel Yaseen. The Kabbalah Cleanse Teleconference Tuesday Dec 24, 9pm EDT In honor of Yael Faiga bat Chaim Join me for an hour of nutrition for body and soul by clicking here.  No charge, no forms, just one easy click.  (My calls fill up quickly.  But don't worry.  If you can't get on, the recording will be available for anyone who registers for the call.)   For those of you who are interested, our next retreat is coming up January 19-23 in Tucson, Arizona.  It's a phenomenal experience.  This time we'll go deeper into the Kabbalah of Nutrition and spend numerous sessions devoted to Attaining Joy.  Here's what you get: In-depth daily study of Tanya Daily lectures and workshops Morning movement and meditation sessions A 3-Day Organic Cleanse Delicious, nutritious, healing, nurturing food (Thank you Esther and Rachel) A cooking lesson on some of the principles of healing nutrition Canyon hike through Sabino Canyon ($8 tram ride fee not included) Outdoor jacuzzi and infra-red sauna One group acupuncture session The company of like-minded, engaging women The KABBALAH CLEANSE RETREAT! Sunday January 19 - Thursday January 23 18-22 Shevat Catalina Foothills, Tucson, Arizona  Full Retreat only $850 To catch our early bird registration, email Lieba now.  Our rustic setting makes it possible to make all this possible for you at only $850! Included in my teachings on food, healing and joy are some core principles from The Method (my Kabbalah-based program for personal transformation.)  Join us.  You'll walk away with tools to recharge and refocus your life. To enroll or find out more Email the Loving-Kindness Renewal Center. Or call 347.871.7702 (Sorry guys - women only) Jumpstart January into something really special, inspired by Mystical insights, a wealth of healing knowledge and a community of like-minded individuals. SO looking forward to seeing you there! And don't forget!  The teleconference this evening is just hours away: The Kabbalah Cleanse Teleconference Tuesday Dec 24, 9pm EDT In honor of Yael Faiga bat Chaim Join me for an hour of nutrition for body and soul by clicking here.  No charge, no forms, just one easy click.  (My calls fill up quickly.  But don't worry.  If you can't get on, the recording will be available for anyone who registers for the call.) Love Shimona PS. This is an special offer from the Loving Kindness Renewal Center.  Give Alexandra a ring now at 347.871.7702 to reserve your space.  Or email her to enroll now.

Confessions of the #LubavitchManBabe (for Sara)

I'll get to my LubavitchManBabe in a moment.  But first I want to share something from my heart.

Thirty days ago, one of my best friends passed away.  Her name was Sara Behrman.  On June 23, some days after her funeral, I posted the following to my Facebook page:

"My friend Sara told me how people in India cool off without AC:

1. Keep your clothes on!
2. Step into a cold shower.
3. Step out of the shower.
4. Keep your clothes on!

Voila.

She passed away on Monday. Sarah, you made my world so rich, so colorful. I'm missing you every hour!"

Her presence was so large that I still wake up in the morning and am physically shocked when it hits me that she's no longer in this world.

At the gathering held in her honor last night, we watched footage - much of it hilarious - from a NickMom shoot in my Sukkah last year.

How "Sara" to keep us rolling from laughter at such a moment!

Many of the folks there told me they had no idea about the show from which much of the footage was borrowed.  Called "Take Me to your Mother" it stars comedienne Andrea Rosen, a new mom who embarks upon a journey to meet moms from different cultures and life experiences to seek advice on how to raise a good kid.  Well, I was the "Jewish Mom" and my inner circle of friends were invited to different parts of a two-day party!  One of them was, of course, Sara.  In fact, the Hot Air Production team (love you gals!) decided to end the episode with her comments about...well, I'll leave you to take a look.

If you haven't already seen it, you can do that here.

And if that's not enough of an incitement, log on to meet my LubavitchManBabe  a.k.a. my oldest son Levi.  Andrea took one look at him and suggested she interview Levi on the steps of our home.  At the time I had no idea what they spoke about but, trust, I laughed out loud as I watched him confess to his "rebellion" in front of two million moms (!!) and Andrea coined the phrase that took off like wildfire.

During our time in the Sukka that day, Sara told Andrea how much she loved to have FUN with her kids.   100% true!!

In celebration of my friend, I want to share the love and laughter you'll see on the screen as Andrea visits with me, my kids and the rest of the Tribe.

I hope you enjoy.  And may our laughter and celebration of life pierce the heavens and bring us to the time of redemption now.

Love,

Shimona

Have You Been the Victim of Sexual Abuse?

I ask it with trepidation: Have you been the victim of sexual abuse?  My guess is the question itself is enough to turn your stomach.

According to Dr. Frank Putnam, professor of pediatrics and psychiatry at Cincinnati Children's Hospital Medical Center, the cortisol levels (of some participants in a study he worked on) "wound up looking like (those of) Vietnam vets."  Cortisol is a steroid hormone released in response to stress.  "That tells us they are in a chronic state of stress, and never feel safe."
Victims of sexual abuse:

• Are more likely to have behavioral problems
• Have higher rates of obesity
• And of depression
• Struggle with sexual development
• Experience challenges in cognitive development
• Are more likely to engage in risky behavior
• And to enter into abusive relationships later in life
• Have more physical health problems
• Have more mental health problems including difficulty regulating brain chemistry
• Suffer - both from what they've endured and from the guilt they suffer in silence

  Did you know that

1 in 3 girls are abused before their 18th birthday?!

As a coach, I routinely speak with women who've been violated.  I've been outraged to read of the dismissal of their suffering!  I'm pained by the shame that underlies their suffering!  And I've been moved to do something.

I'm beyond privileged to invite you to a unique teleconference on

Healing From Sexual Abuse and Trauma

When: This Monday, June 10, 2013
Where: From anywhere you choose.  Just dial in.  Sign up for the teleconference here
When: 8:30pm

Join me in a conversation with Amy Barth as we take an open look at the issues at hand and welcome your questions.

You can read more about Amy here
and you'll learn more about her on the call.  For now I want to let you know that she has 20 years of experience working with children and teens in crisis. She founded Teen Crisis Line, a peer counseling hotline in New York; started a play therapy program in a shelter for homeless mothers and children; and was Director of the Suicide Prevention Program at a New York City high school.  She's also the author of four books including "101 Tips For Survivors of Sexual Abuse," and "101 Tips For Recovering From Eating Disorders."

 

If you're a survivor then this call is definitely for you!

And even if not, there's bound to be a young girl or woman in your life who's been affected.  Sexual abuse is any sort of non-consensual sexual contact. It can happen to men or women of any age.  You do know a victim even if you don't know it.

So won't you join me?  For you - and for the women in your life.  Here's the info again:

When: This Monday, June 10, 2013
Where: From anywhere you choose.  Just dial in.  Sign up for the teleconference here.
When: 8:30pm

Sign up for the teleconference by clicking on the link below:

Healing from Sexual Abuse and Trauma.

Here's to our health.

Love,
Shimona

P.S. Space is limited so sign up now for this unique healing conference.
P.P.S. If the lines are taken, don't worry.  Once you're registered for the call you'll automatically receive the link from which to download the recording after the call.

This is Water

David Foster Wallace's 2005 commencement speech at Kenyon College. Water for thought.

Florida Spa for those of you on the East Coast

It's not just for the California crowd.  Join Rochel and me for a Spa for the Soul at the luxurious Bonaventure Resort and Spa.  You get the works: lectures, workshops, yoga, gourmet cuisine, enriching company.  Inspiration and Transformation.

Hurry!   Space is limited.

June 7th-9th 2013.  $300 the whole shabbang
To RSVP call Rochel at 954.224.1762 

Bonaventure Resort & Spa
250 Racquet Club Rd, Weston, FL

(954) 389-3300 ‎ · bonaventureresortandspa.com

Spa with a Soul

Hi all,

At the Lido in Desert Hot Springs.

Mineral waters and the mystical waters of Kabbalah heal body and soul.

Regards from the oasis in the desert,
s

Kabbalah Retreat in Desert Hot Springs

Mineral pools, the snow capped San Jacinto Mountains, desert air, masseuse par excellence, Tequila in the hot spring, phenomenal women and delicious whole food meals.

PLUS you get to drink in the deepest of the deep mystical teachings for masterful living.

Our next weekend is May 3-5 2013. Rates start at $354 for the Sandpiper to $484 for the Lido Palms. We book up fast. Email us to reserve a place.

The video below offers a glimpse of how fantastic the program is.

 

3 Steps to Freedom Video

A while back I wrote an article called, "3 Steps to Freedom: With a Belt, Shoes and a Staff."  You can find it here.

In case you're a visual learner, I shared the ideas on the video below.

I hope you enjoy and wish you a redemptive Pesach!

Love,
Shimona

Do You Suffer from Seder-Overwhelm?

I know dozens (and dozens) of women who have a love-hate relationship with the Seder.  And I'm not talking about the cleaning and preparation entailed.  I'm referring to the deeper challenges the Seder brings up for so many of us.

Granted, the physical preparations for Pesach are a big deal.  Reb Levi Yitzchak of Berdichev actually links the various aspects of the cleaning we do for Pesach to the shofar blasts of Rosh Hashanah, explaining that the physical effort we expend at this time of year stands in our stead at the time of spiritual judgement.  That said, I challenge the heights we've taken "cleaning" to.  In my opinion, it's waaaay over the top.  I don't buy that all the frenzy is coming from a healthy place.  With age I slipped free of the "cult of cleaning."  Yes, I now differentiate between Spring Cleaning and Passover Cleaning and whereas I used to tell others these words of the Lubavitcher Rebbe's, I now actually live by them: "Dust is not chometz and children are not the Pesach offering."

Okay, one down.  We can get beyond the physical exertion stuff.  But two, or three, or four to go.  The real deep challenge for most of us is not in the preparation but in the Seder itself.

How many folks do you know who have reservations about the meal?  (Yes, you can include yourself in that list.)  We don't know how to accommodate the relatives who "just want to get to the food" - or we're one of those relatives ourselves!  We think our partner doesn't have a grip on social graces; is not "spiritually in tune," is too cerebral; lacks warmth; too gushy; doesn't engage with us at the table.  There's no lack of things to obsess over regarding others.  Next we dig in to ourselves.  After all our work, don't we deserve more?  Don't we deserve to have the Seder run the way we  think it should be?  And then the double-whammy!  Why are we SO demanding; critical; uptight?  You get what I mean.

But it doesn't have to be that way.  And I'd like to share some ideas I have with you about "How to Seder."
This coming Monday night begins the New Moon of the month of Nissan.  It's the month of our Freedom not only from an exile of long ago but from the ways of being that keep us trapped today.

I thought it would be an opportune time for us to get together, celebrate the New Moon and tap into the wave of freedom.

Here's what I have in mind for the How to Seder event:

• Touch on what it takes to become emotionally free.
• Look at how to balance setting an intention and letting go of the outcome.
• Glance at the basic structure of the Haggadah (I'm not referring to content.  Rather this will be a look at the flow of the text.  I find it is useful for people to make sense of the sometimes seemingly disconnected readings.)
• And I'll share some meditations you can focus on to go deep within and make the Seder more meaningful for you regardless of where anyone else is holding.
• And then I'll take questions from the group.  If you like, you can email them to me by using the webform on my site.

Why don't you join me?  We will meet via teleconference at 9pm EST this Monday evening (1 Nissan, 11 March.)  And it's FREE.

The first ever New Moon blessing was said in honor of the month of Nissan.  We've been going strong for thousands of years.  Hop on the energetic wave of Freedom and miracles and join me for a very special teleconference.  With over 500 people in our group, you'll also experience the power of global connection, and energize and focus yourself for the month ahead.
To enroll in the Kabbalah Class Group, just fill out this form.

You'll receive an automated reply with the dial in info as well as a link to the Kabbalah Class archive page.

If you want to turn this New Moon into something really special, infused with the energy of Nissan and Pesach, treat yourself and join hundreds of other seekers on the call.

I hope you enjoy and look forward to greeting you on our call.

Happy New Moon!

Love
Shimona

Got Protection?

I don't normally promote this kind of thing but I have something to share that I believe will enhance your life.  Here's the scoop: I can't imagine you or someone you know couldn't do with a little help in at least one of these areas:

•Car warranty issue?

•Mortgage questions?

•Is your dog in trouble?

•Need advice on legal questions concerning your business?

•Want to draw up a will?

•Have a traffic ticket to deal with?

•Being sued by a charletan?

•Were conned by a shark?

Now you can call as attorney as many times as you want, whenever you want.  It's that simple.  For less than $20/month an accomplished local attorney will champion your cause whenever the need might arise.

Legal Shield is one of the best investments I ever made.  Period.

Join me on Feb 26 at 9pm EST to find out how you can easily afford legal insurance. And if you're interested in a business opportunity, this is a great one!

Register here:

http://myaccount.maestroconference.com/conference/register/KTKK05TT5ZXMATRC

Discover The Method: A Therapeutic Application of Kabbalah

It’s time to unleash your true self so you can finally live the joyful, prosperous, fulfilling life you were meant to live

Click on to discover the breakthrough secrets of the Method for Self Mastery

I know this can work for you, but you have to take the next step. You can either stay in your comfort zone and keep hoping things will get better, or you can take action right now and assure yourself of a different, more positive and fulfilling future.

Make the right decision that can impact your life, your soul, your true purpose for years to come. You deserve this.

Call our office at 718-493-2859 to find out more.

Let's Meet at the Mystic Meal

7 Foods for 7 Habits: A Step by Step Guide to the Mystic Meal and Life's Journey

This coming Thursday will be Tu B'Shevat (the 15 of the month of Shevat,) which is the Jewish New Year for Trees.

At least that's the explanation they give on Wikipedia.  It doesn't seem to mean much though.

Why do trees need a New Year?  So the Oaks can hold a party and make resolutions? So the Redwoods can commit to standing tall?  Or the Lemon Trees to filing their taxes?

Not quite.  Practically, this is the season in which trees wake from their winter hibernation and sprout their first blossoms.  And legally, the new year has to do with tithes that were separated from produce grown in the Holy Land.*

But the holiday is so replete with meaning that if I could, I'd re-brand Tu B'Shevat as "the Kabbalah Holiday."  This date may seem minor compared with other holidays on the calendar (and the amount of menu-planning involved for you).  But Tu B'Shevat  is MAJOR in terms of mystical significance.

If you want to turn this weekend from a regular one into something really special, infused with the spirit of Tu B'Shevat, I have a treat for you.

In conjunction with JLI, I made a video about the connection between the 7 Species of the Land of Israel and a 7-stage plan for spiritual growth.  In fact, this lesson of the 7 foods is one of the numerous mystical backdrops for my coaching system and Method for Self Mastery.  I've had many requests to see that video again so here it is.  I hope you enjoy.




I also designed a chart explaining the significance of the 7 Foods for you to print out and enjoy.  To view or print the chart, click here.

Happy Tree New Year!

Love

Shimona

PS. This Wednesday we're completing the first year of The Method for Self Mastery.  It has been a remarkable year.  Thank you to all the participants.  I am beyond honored to have shared the journey.  Take a peek at the testimonials from a recent Mastermind.

How to Heal Through Meditation

bh

I'm interested in what you think about the two perspectives on meditation presented below.  One is a (very) brief YouTube video and the other an excerpt from a (rather lengthy) letter written by a mystic to a young woman seeking answers in 1939.

Meditation training is part of The Method for Self Mastery which launches in just a couple of days.  It's with that in mind that I thought I'd share the two perspectives on the subject.

As mentioned, the first is a YouTube video called, "How to Meditate in a Moment."

When you scroll down, you'll see a translation of a remarkable letter written in 1939 by a spiritual master, the Rayatz, to a young girl in Riga.  In her late teens, she had written a letter to him explaining that "her actions were empty," devoid of vitality and inspiration.  The reply she received is a five page letter elaborating on how profound contemplation and mindfulness bring healing to those who practice it.

Do you meditate?  Is there such a thing as a "One-Moment Meditation" and if there is, is it in contradiction to the Kabbalistic practice of contemplation?  I'm interested in your thoughts on the topic.

If you'd like to participate in The Method for Self Mastery's Kabbalah based program call our office at 718-493-2859 to find out more.

The Method is rooted in ancient mystical teachings, but it’s amazing just how its strategies and methods can be so relevant to your life today.  You’ll experience inside-out solutions coupled with a fresh and practical approach to Self-Mastery and personal transformation.  It’s time to unleash your true self so you can finally live the joyful, prosperous, fulfilling life you were meant to.

Our upcoming enrollment is January 21 2013.  Call our office at 718-493-2859 to find out more.

20 Tevet 5699 (1939)

To the student Chaya Sima,

Blessings and Peace.

I am writing to you in response to your letter of the 14^th of this month, wherein you tell me your “deeds are empty” and ask what you should do to fill them.   It is difficult for me to know what you are alluding to.   A clear answer can only and exclusively be addressed to a clear question.   When you articulate your question clearly, with G-d’s help, the answer will come.

In general this concept of Divine service – in which a person strives to rectify their thinking and mental focus, as well as their emotional traits – requires that he have a solid foundation and a structured path.

I have already discussed in a previous teaching that just as one has to know ones lacks one must also know ones strengths.   Anyone who thinks that he has no strengths is just as mistaken as someone who thinks he has no lacks.  For every person by virtue of being a human being contains both within themself.  This is true both with regard to intellect and emotions.   The mission of a human being is to heal the lacks.   In other words, our mission is to enable (spiritual) form to prevail over the matter of the emotions and undesirable habits.   This is accomplished through the inner (mental) powers of the soul and through one’s abstract senses and will.  The beginning of this healing involves knowing and deeply recognizing what true good and true evil are.

Next examine yourself.   You need to look at the totality of who you are; observing all your spiritual faculties.   These include your soul’s intellectual capabilities; your senses and intuitive faculties; your emotional traits; and the garments of your soul which are thought, speech and action.   Do this assessment in the same way an artisan inspects the parts of a vessel that need to be fixed.   As you proceed, mark for yourself which aspects need to be fixed and what parts need to be changed.   (These are two different tasks.)  You can only achieve this rectification with orderly spiritual practice and only when you focus on one aspect at a time.   Do not attempt to address all of them together.   Furthermore, this must be done with spiritual effort and focus.   Once you rectify one point within yourself you move on and address the second, and so on with all the points within you that need fixing.

Accurate recognition of what is good and what is bad comes through diligent study and contemplation.[1]  Take for example a concept which might help you rectify your lacks.   It could be beneficial in one of two ways: either because it addresses the lowliness of the quality you are lacking, or it speaks about the advantage of a strength (which is the opposite of your lack.)  Study the concept well until you know it and it’s clear to you in all its details.   At this point, you should be able to speak about it at length.   Only once you have reached this level of familiarity with the idea can you begin to gaze at the concept in-depth.   This must be done with mental effort.   The mental effort and contemplation will generate a unity between your consciousness and the idea you are exploring.[2]

It is at this point of mindfulness that the rectification of our lacks is to be found. 

Many make the mistake of thinking that “good” study is quantitative.   They think it applies to learning a lot of pages or many concepts.   But in truth that isn’t the case.  The essence of diligent learning is to review one idea many times until it is clear to you in all the details of its details, until you are able to speak about it, describing it with clear articulation.

In addition, many make the mistake of thinking that complete contemplation has to do with being particular about (technical aspects such as) what’s missing, what’s extra and what’s connected, repetition and the like.  In truth this is not so.  All-encompassing contemplation is the unification of an individual with the soul of a concept.  In other words, your mind becomes bound with the essential identity[3] of the concept. 

Every original concept[4] and every idea that is processed by your mind so as to become relevant to you in a personal way[5] has both a “body” and “soul.”  Certainly the “body” of both the original and processed concepts is also spiritual.  But we have access to a higher consciousness.  Thank G-d for His great goodness that He has graced us with Wisdom, Understanding and Knowledge.[6]  Praise also to our holy Rebbeim who taught us how to use our intellectual faculties.  Thanks to all of this, we have the ability to recognize and distinguish (not only between physical and spiritual but the ability to make subtle distinctions) between spiritual and spiritual.  The meditative contemplation we are discussing happens at this level and involves connecting and uniting with the soul of a concept.

The way to attain this level of mental focus is through training your intellect to focus on one idea with great depth and concentration for a long hour.  This must be done by habituating yourself to concentrate in this way.  Over time this habit will become your nature and you will be able to sustain focus on one idea for a lengthy period of time.

When you can do this, you will experience the spiritual delight that results from the unification of your intellect with the (inner essence of the) concept itself. 

The main impact of this spiritual delight is that through constant practice you will have the ability to use this strength at any time you like.

How is a person to accustom themself to dig and reveal this wondrous sense so as to be able to use this ability at any moment at will?  How can one become capable of using this form of contemplation in the same way that one uses those spiritual powers they are habituated to?

A path is to be found in the commentary on the verse, “It is not in the Heavens and it is not across the ocean.”  The Torah is found neither in those who are arrogant (whose egos rise heavenward) nor within a person who spreads his (arrogant) heart like an ocean.

It is important to note that the arrogance and broadness of heart referred to here are not those in the base category of undesirable traits.  Regarding these a person, simply by virtue of being a human being, must uproot them.  Each individual must uproot these traits as one would a leprosy.

This verse is referring to the arrogance and broad heart of those who study and know the Torah.  It is about them we are told that they are not repositories of the true Torah.  (In other words, you can’t have even a private arrogance about how you do this process.  There can be no ego whatsoever in this process of mindfulness and deep contemplation.)

But do not be discouraged.  We are taught that, “The thing is very close to you.  It is accessible to you in speech, thought and deed.”

Thus through understanding the aspect of the three garments of the soul (action, speech and thought) the practice of contemplation can become very close to you. 

---

1] Iyun in Hebrew

[2] Masig and Musag in Hebrew.   These refer to the person who is processing the information and the concept being processed respectively.

[3] Etzem ha’Mahut in Hebrew

[4] Muskal, often associated with the attribute of Wisdom (Conceptualizing)

[5] Musag, associated with the attribute of Understanding (Analyzing)

[6] Chochmah, Binah and Da’at in Hebrew.  A useful way of framing these terms is as our ability to Conceptualize, Analyze and Internalize an idea respectively.

This marriage thing is my one big failure

How many people do you know who'd (albeit tacitly) agree that their lives are on track - except for their romantic relationship.  They may be happy with their career (or at least feel they're on the ladder to success;) work out; eat right; have even managed to kick a bad habit.

But...

The marriage thing eludes them.  Either they're still looking for love or are in the relationship they thought would deliver happiness only to find themselves alone or lonely in love.  And for those who do say, "I'm happy," the happiness is often simply a state of relief that they're not in despair?

I'd venture to say that, "This marriage thing is my one big failure" is a phrase many of us can relate to.

With that in mind, I've created Gender Blender, a 3-part teleseminar to help you debunk your relationship myths and access the happiness that is available to you.  

Interested?  You can visit my website to listen to a couple of interviews with me on dating, love, marriage and intimacy.

Ready to call in your Soul Mate?  To jumpstart your relationship?


Go ahead, sign up now.

I look forward to meeting you on the call.

Shimona

Tanks ‘n Tractors

 B”h

As the debate over gun control rages in response to Sandy Hook, here's an article I wrote some years back after the Jerusalem terrorist-tractor attack.  It addresses the mystical aspect of swords-into-ploughshares in light of the fast of the Tenth of Tevet.  (Two facts to ponder as you read: In America, there are more Gun Dealers than major supermarkets, and more gun sellers than Mac Donald's restaurants.)

The internet’s down!  And with it the phone.  Tannersville is quiet by night.  It’s a silence about the texture of a goose-down cushion.  Thick.  Soft.  Comfortable.  I want to sink in but find no rest.  Was it the movie “E-lollipop” that began with the protagonist asking a stranger on a park bench, “Does the noise in my head bother you?’?  I am thinking of things hard and loud.  And the noise in my head bothers me.

It could be yesterday that I saw the yellow Caterpillar tractor lurching across a Jerusalem street.  The footage was from a cell phone.  A silent movie.  I imagine the sounds.  The engine-belly, the fork on cars, the fork on flesh, the sound life makes leaving a body, and the wails of terror and grief.  Now, cross-legged on the couch in our summer rental, I gaze into the black beyond the window and review the scene.  My thoughts jump.  I think of the caterpillars we watched as children, seeing them lift-and-crunch from tail to fore as they jerk across a leaf.  And I wonder if, standing beside the white or yellow line painted along the tar of Rehov Yaffo, onlookers felt they’d missed a step as the tractor crunched and swung for death.

I can’t put them together.  The tractor and death.  From the wooden puzzles of my kindergarten years and on, I’ve been taught that tractors support life.  They churn soil and soften it to receive seeds.  They are the backdrop of bread steaming from an oven, of apples in a bowl.  My mind wrestles with a Caterpillar run amok in the Holy City.  I guess one must know how to use one…The people of Gush Katif did.  They tossed a desert into leafy greens.  They drove their tractors across austere sands and behold! – fields of cilantro and parsley fragranced the air…But the neat categories of childhood don’t hold up to the Big People world I live in.  Despite what those puzzles-painted-in-primary-colors would have me think, it was tractors that flung the Jews of Gush Katif, like rocks tossed aside, from the Land.  Bulldozers rendered their homes rubble in the name of life and peace.  And the very tanks manufactured to protect them were turned on those who best knew how to use their metal.

The internet’s down and the contradictions screech within me.  I think of a passage in Ezekiel that talks of iron and alludes to the tanks and tractors of both the world at large and of our inner landscapes.  Prior to the siege placed upon the First Temple, G-d told him, “Take an iron pan and place it upright as a wall of iron between you and the city…and it will be as a siege…a sign for the Jewish people.”[1]  Rashi tells us that the pan served as a metaphor.  It presented G-d’s message that “in this way Jerusalem will be besieged.”[2]  .  It called upon the people to repent.  “If not,” cried the pan, “the Holy City will be surrounded by a wall of iron slotted together of soldiers carrying swords and cloaked in shields.  Return.  For metal is upon you.  Prevent the wall of iron from breaking the walls of the City and of the Temple.”

Ezekiel and the people knew well the destructive power of iron.  They saw it grind the Temple into dust like the homes on the hills of the Gush.  G-d knows how that hurts.  Precisely because of its deathly edge, no iron tools were allowed to be used in the construction of the Temple.  As the Midrash comments on the gold, silver and copper we were asked to bring for the building of the sanctuary, “Iron was not mentioned here, neither in relation to the sanctuary nor the Temple, because it is analogous of the people of Edom, who destroyed the Temple.”[3]  G-d’s aversion was stressed most with regard to the altar, the primary vessel of the Temple,[4] for “the altar was created to lengthen the days of a person and iron was created to shorten the days of man.  One may not raise that which shortens over that which lengthens.  Even more so, the altar brings peace between the Jewish people and their Father in Heaven.  Therefore no cutting or damaging (could) be imposed upon it.”[5]

Each human alive can attest to the destructive power of its strength.  From the hills of Afghanistan to Columbian mercenaries, from pistols fired in gang warfare to Uzis to tanks to air force bombers, no patch of the planet where humans dwell has not heard the sounds of iron shortening life, or watched as its soil is reddened with blood cut loose.  And yet, the metal has a holy face.  The Land of Israel is one who’s “stones are made of iron.”[6]  The very stones that were crumbled to fragments are rich in iron ore.  And they too speak to us in parables.  They remind us that locked deep within our beings is an essential core so strong it can withstand exile.  It is the point of absolute beinghood within each of us that defies definition, which exists because it exists.  It holds us through war.  It supports us in the midst of our madness.  It is the fulcrum of confidence.  The springboard of our drives.  The elemental power of the soul.

We all have it.  The trick is to direct that iron core in the right direction.  One might well call it The Art of War – or for that matter the Art of Peace.  “She has an iron will.”  “He’s made of steel.”  Is it good or bad?  Is iron life or death?  Our sages say, “Any sage who is not tough as iron is not a sage.”[7]  G-d calls us a “stiff-necked nation.”  Bulls-eye!  We’re obstinate and tough.  But our “stiff-neckedness” is at core a chutzpa of holiness that has borne us through the hatred of nations from the ancient Hittites to the father of two from Tzur Baher in Eastern Jerusalem who drove a tractor for death.  Is steel good or bad?  Is iron life or death?  Depends.  The orientation is at my disposal.  The outcome really lies within my hands and heart.

The “art” of the matter is to catch the process at the outset.  The Holy City was besieged on the 10^th of Tevet.  The walls were breached a half a year later on the 17^th of Tamuz.  And the Temple was destroyed within a mere three weeks of that.  The remedy to prevent the demolition and devastation was to hear the message of the pan put forth before the siege.  If we’d listened and really gotten the prophecy of Ezekiel, we’d have converted the danger and death that hovered above us to light.  We could have activated the essential force of our souls, our steel will, and built a new world from the struggle.

I watched this battle within myself this past week.  I’ve been angry at a friend for a while now.  Despite my attempt to dialogue, the connection still felt rotten and full of the dark red stuff that clogs relationships in their down faze.  I could have reminded myself of Ezekiel’s pan.  I could have put a post-it-note “Tanks ‘n Tractors!” on my fridge door.  But no!  I festered in the mess.  Then I whipped out my sword.  And promptly cut an email to “Friend” that had zilch to do with what was really going on.  I was all bulldozer on Rehov Yaffo, tank on an enemy turf.  What I needed to do was go back to the beginning and catch the anger, activate my Essential Iron Core and be big enough to say, “I’m so sad you’re not in my life anymore.  I miss you.  Can we reconnect?”

The hurt was the desire to connect with someone else.  It almost always is.  That, or the real inner longing to bond with G-d.  If I can find that point then I can build the rubble into a Temple.  It’s not just patching together the old, not just “making do” with what’s left and building a shack of debris.  To heal you have to go back to the beginning.  To halt the destruction of the ninth of Av, you have to go back to the tenth of Tevet, back even to Ezekiel’s pan.  If you can get back there, you can change the direction of the future.  At ground zero, I can touch my metal, activate my inner essence and find the strength to say, “I’m hurting”, or “Can you help me with this?”, or “I don’t know.”  I catch the core of who I am before a hurt compels me to unsheathe my sword.  And from there I build the Third Temple.

There’s no building a world without steel.  King Solomon himself set aside vast amounts of iron, all in anticipation of building the Third Temple.  The call of the hour is to ensure that the steel be that of healing and building rather than a blade which shortens human life.  You start with an iron pan on a hilltop outside of Jerusalem.  If ignored, the metal dish forebears the sound of sword upon sword, battle calls, the roll of tanks and cries that cut into the heart and the heart of heaven.  Jerusalem is ravished.  Caterpillars roll across the road, blades hungry for blood.  Bulldozers rip homes and shuls from the ground, and military brass dump families into hotel rooms for the night, or month – or decade.  But if the people hear the song of the prophet and the sound of the pan resonating across the valleys, then the iron builds.  We grow bold and strong.  We are put in touch with why we are here.  And we realize that we have enough steel within ourselves to build a brave new world. 

This article was originally published on www.TheJewishWoman.org.

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[1] Ezekial 4, 3

[2] Rashi’s explanation of the verse.

[3] Terumah 25, 3

[4] See Rambam’s opening discussion on the laws of the Bait HaMikdash

[5] Yitro 20,22 and the commentary of Rashi, from the Mechilta.

[6] Ekev 8, 9

[7] Ta’anit 4, 1